He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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