There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize