It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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