I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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