he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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