3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
