please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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