Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
