Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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