I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
