True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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