her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
