My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
