Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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