he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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