I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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