i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
