The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
