I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
