i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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