I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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