Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
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He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
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I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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