I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
