Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
cat food counts as protein by the way
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
