It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just tell him i said nine months
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
