someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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