I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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