I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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