My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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