Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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