it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
