is wine microwaveable?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
