I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I fill condoms, not promises.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
