I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
