i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
