Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
