you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
