So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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