pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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