Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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