She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
