So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
