dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
