I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
