there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
