I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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