I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i drank out of a bidet.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
