I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want nice things and good sex
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
