Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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