Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
