i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
