I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
