Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
