i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
