And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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