We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
