I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
