I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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