please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
