Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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