apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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