i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
