How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
