My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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