and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
