Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
