Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
