everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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